Home...

I'm home now with my beloved mountains, and real food.

It's odd and heavy, but not unpleasant. 

I saw a word recently that made me think. And thinking makes me nostalgic and that's just sometimes no good. I can't even remember why I loved these memories so much; why they mean so much to me because they're ordinary and uneventful, and you'd think I'd think of them last, but I don't. I never do. 

You know, I'm starting to realize something. 

To live will be an awfully big adventure.

To live is...

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

I had forgotten...

There are moments, like when a handsome boy tells you you're cute, that make you go all sorts of giddy inside. And it's not necessarily that you like said boy, but you've just been hoping and wishing someone would say that to you because it hasn't happened in a while. And you felt a little bit starved and needy.

Yeah, giddy indeed.

Regardless.

I found a magical place. It's sort of a home away from home away from home. 

Trees that sway in the breeze...

Neverland.

Indubitably.

I love that word. Indubitably. 

I'm realizing more and more that people don't really care. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's a good thing actually. We're all fighting a battle. 

Don't kill any mockingbirds. 

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

...

I don't belong to this place. 

I don't feel a connection to this soil, these trees, the sidewalks. 

At home I knew where my feet would take me if I just walked. I knew what it felt like to stand in the grass in my front yard on summer evenings. 

Sometime I feel frozen. Sometimes I feel like those blasted trees will never blossom; never bloom. Some have started. But I don't look at the city from up on a hill and see green swaying. Sometimes I'm irrationally afraid I never will.

I want a thunderstorm. 

I want to go back to the days of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Sometimes I miss ponytail Zuko. 

I want to feel connected to this place. I want it to not be a strangers land. 

I want to see mountains again, mountains...

Then I remember it's time to begin.

 It's not the place. It's perspective.

I don't always believe that though. There's a reason my roots are so close to a suburb sidewalk, to a quiet street, to the place where the mountain meets the valley. 

I won't get to see my home in Spring. It's rather nice when it's in Spring. 

Nicer in late summer and early Autumn. Thankfully I'll be home then. 

{I don't know what I did to deserve so much from you, Lord. I am thankful everyday, in every way I know how, and I know it's not enough. Please help me to be more thankful. Help me to endure my blessings.}

"Lord, grant me the patience to endure my blessings, and the courage to face them."

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

There are moments that fall closely together, one by one. 

And those moments are life. There are millions of them. A wink, a smile, a smirk. A kiss, a sigh, a tear. 

If I've learned nothing from these moments, then I have not been paying attention.

There is something so beautiful about tire swings. Tire swings in summer. Grass blowing in the early evening breeze. The slanted sunlight lighting the mountains to the east. 

I breathe it in, but somehow it's not as sweet as it was when I was a child. Or maybe it's exactly the same, but I'm not as sweet. 

Is that an inevitability of growing up?

I didn't mean to. I don't know if I wanted to or not. I had to. There was no way around it. 

I've heard it said though, that growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 
I try to live like that. 

Yes...
There are those moments when I am completely and utterly a child. A child in the real sense of the word. Not childish. Not immature. Not wanting my mommy (which I often do).

I mean those moments when I catch a glimpse of the Never Never Land. When I can smell its sandy shore. I will no longer land there...

And that's okay. Though it hurts something awful sometimes.  

But.

We were made to grow. Up? Old?

Old. Perhaps with a sprinkling of up.

There is something inherently good about being a child. There is something beautiful and wonderful and breathtakingly lovely about being a child.

I sense in every summer breeze...and around Christmas time. Oh yes...always around Christmas time...

I never saw Boo Radley. I wonder if he saw me?

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Letting Go...

Goodbye's are always bitter-sweet.

To be going is an incredible thing. It's good to go. To get somewhere. To move along. To live.

That's why it's bitter-sweet.

Is someone always left behind? Are goodbye's one person going on and one person staying.

I am staying. I'm in a waiting place. Waiting.

Left behind?

I'm not so sure...

I do know this. Letting go does not mean giving away forever. Goings are not forever. Going in and of itself implies return.

But living is. Living is forever.

Am I living? Truly? Deeply? I am alive. But do I live?

I know it's like letting a bit of your heart take to the road. Arms spread. Flying. And somehow the rest of you is still on the ground watching it go.

Watching with all hope and happiness and joy. Watching with all pride and fascination.

Watching with all longing and wonderment.

I do not know why I am staying, or waiting, or whatever it is I'm doing.

But, I do know that I will. I will wait. I will stay. I will watch. I will live, in my own way.

I will keep making my arms stronger, so one day I can fly.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

{Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling,
So kiss me.}

 BOLD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ITALICS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>UNDERLINED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

NORMAL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I AM ACHING FOR SPRING!!!

Seriously, it's like this well inside of me, building up. I can smell it in the air. I am dying for green things.

And I saw some green things, pushing their way through the dark earth, and it was beautiful.

Also, I know some who are the bravest and the strongest and I love them.

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

That first place...

I realized something the other night, as I was falling asleep. 

I feel like my whole life has been winter. I have not always felt like this. But the last few months have made me feel like my whole existence, all my thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears...all have been in winter. That all I've ever known is winter. That all I'll ever be is winter. This is not true, because I've lived every season of the soul more than once. And every season of the soul is a season I enjoy. Every season of the earth is a season I enjoy because God made them and gave them to me.

But it's winter now. 

And I have to keep hoping for spring. I have to keep searching for spring. I have to believe in spring. I have to believe spring will come, and with it something else to thaw my soul.

I keep hoping for spring. Hoping so much it hurts. Hurts because the icy tendrils on my heart get nervous. Nervous because they don't want it to be spring. Spring because it's a threat to their life and they don't want to let go. Go because they must. Must because I have to be green again. Again because that's what I was in that First Place.

I need to be green again.

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.

I'm going on an adventure...

Well, this is it.

I'm moving out in a few hours...

I'm still in denial a little bit...I just keep thinking of Bilbo and how he didn't want to leave his home, just wanted to stay and be comfortable...but, he went...and so must I.

More adventures to come!

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.  

Track 4...

{We are, all of us, children. Waiting. Watching. Hoping. Daring to believe.}

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

Writers block...

And I'm sitting here watching my sister play The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. She's already defeated it like, a billion times, but it's always enjoyable to watch her do it again. 

I've spent pretty much the entire evening trying to decide what to buy for black Friday. I do all my black Friday shopping online because I hate crowds. 

Also, anyone know where you can find a good pair of reasonably priced boots? I'm leaning more towards the riding boot style, but I'm having troubles finding some I really love. Thoughts?

Okay, so, maybe I need to post more pictures on here or something. This blog is so icky boring.

Well, I think this picture is a complete success.

I miss them. Lots.

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

I will simply deny you the crown...

{And live forever...}

There are moments at work when I just want to shout at everyone to go home.

Basically it goes like this:

*People touching displays, ruining all the things I freshly folded, and being a general pain*

Me: (In my head): Okay, people, I understand that things are cute, but if you drop it on the floor, please pick it up.

*People continuing onward.*

Me: (In my head, of course.) Okay, go home now, all you people. Why do you want to be out anyways? It's Friday, traffic's bad, go home and eat food and watch t.v. and read a book! That's what I'd be doing...so, go home, thanks.

And then I go onward.

{Note, I do not always feel like that. Usually I'm okay with people messing up displays and stuff, it's just on busy nights when I go insane!}

 Then there are other times when teeny boppers (that is to say: girls who act, or rather try to act like they're 19, but are actually twelve {granted, we all did that at one point, so...}) come in and I'm just like:

You dress better than me...and you're twelve.

It's an odd thing.

Also, I register for classes on Monday, and I have no idea what I'm doing...so...yeah...

Also, I need to take a class where I can sing! I've been singing songs all week. Broadway, Disney, Church, Christmas, pop...Ah! I just love to sing! :D


I feel like Slim, the walking stick from "A Bug's Life," when he's says, "...and I'm a flower, with nothing interesting to say..."

Ha, ha...yeah, makes me laugh.

Also, there's a show on NBC called "Grimm" and I ADORE it. A lot.

That's narwacky!

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

America...

Mitt Romney for President.

That's all.

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R. 

I'm a liebster...

I was nominated for this award thingy by the dear, sweet Miss Carolina. Visit her lovely blog here!

She's an absolutely spiffing person!

Basically, Miss Carolina has given me some questions to answer! Yay!

1. Hogwarts House?

    Hufflepuff!!! Yes! I am a badger!

2. What are your go-to questions when you first meet someone?

    Just your basic, "Hello, nice to meet you, what's your name?...Where are you from?...What brings you to Utah?...What's you're major?...What's your job?..."

3. What is your earliest memory?

    My third birthday party! I remember getting a little book from my uncle!

4. What are you SO happy about right now??

    I'm happy that I was able to sleep in and that today is my day off! Oh, and that tomorrow is Halloween!

5. What is a major goal of yours?
    Currently? To finish my book, not to get published, I don't think I'm that dedicated, but just to have. In the long term, to get married in the Salt Lake Temple and raise my family in righteousness. 

6. Favorite scripture? (I need to know!)

    Ah! This is so hard! Is it possible? Alma 48:17, 3 Nephi 17 (yes, the whole chapter), D&C 121-7-8, D&C 128:22-23...there's a ton more...Pretty much all of Isaiah, and all of everything because it's all SO GOOD! :D

7. If I had the nefarious spinach in my teeth, would you tell me?
    I would indeed my dear! :)

8. Best pumpkin you have ever carved?
    I actually got to carve pumpkins at my work last week and they were spiffy. I did a light house and an anchor! They were my favorite!

9. Favorite movie?
    "Beauty and the Beast." There's a great deal of nostalgia that influences this action. And the music and the magic and the memories...ah! I just adore it! If I had to choose another favorite movie...ah! There's so many that I adore! LOTR, The Mummy, Peter Pan (the one with Jason Issacs as Captain Hook, love him!),...there's just so much love!

10. Do you dance in the rain?
    I do, every available opportunity that I get. I heard a quote some years ago that I adore and feel is perfectly true. "Those who say sunshine is true happiness have never danced in the rain."

11.  Tell me something. (Not a question, just a request.)

    Molly Weasley's birthday's today! 

Okay, I send this blog award for extra special sweetness on to Sarah! At http://skettiseyes.blogspot.com/  

My questions for her are:

1. Favorite literary device and why?

2. Current favorite band?

3. Where do you want to be right now?

4. What are you most looking forward to for the near future? 

5. Current favorite book and why?

6. Do you prefer berries or stone fruit, like blueberries or peaches?

7. What's frustrating you most right now? 

8. Favorite television show and why? (Tell the people Sketti!)

9. Why is it so good to love stories and things that don't technically exist?

10. What were you doing before answering these questions on your blog?

11. Favorite poem?

Yay!

  

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.   

Dear someone...

Dear someone,

You're trying to make me feel better, but it just makes me feel worse.

You're very kind to me because that's what's expected of you, not because you care. 

I don't feel an overwhelming need to talk to you, because I have no idea what to say.

And if I say anything, it's the usual, "hello, how are you?...Good?...Good...yeah, I'm good too..."

And I am, but I'm a million different other things that I can't articulate. So that makes me wonder if you're a million different other things too.

And I know my hair was a little greasy, but sometimes that can't be helped. 

And I know my jeans were a little too tight around the middle, but they'd just been washed and weren't stretched out to the proper, comfortable position.

I don't know what you're looking for, and I don't know why I even care.

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R. 

 

 

 

Hero's get remembered...

There's nothing to say,

nothing to do,

nothing to say,

nothing to do...

 But, sit and dream of you.

I'm watching "The Sandlot." Good movie. It was filmed in Utah.

{But legends never die.}

{Follow your heart kid...}

{...and you'll never go wrong.}

Watch Olan Rogers on YouTube. You'll laugh your guts out.

I got to make jack o'lantern's at work today.

Check, check, success!
 

{I just got the best dang chicken tenders...}

Laughing just makes my heart lighter.

Makes the world a little bit brighter.

Opens your eyes.

Open's the skies.

Life's just a big bowl of jello.

And do you have a spoon???

[I'm tired, and bored...and I can't get italics off...]

Weeoooweeoooweeeoooweeooo!

There's a man I love, and his name is Richard Armitage. {heart, heart, heart!}

If you have Netflix, and time, watch

North and South.

It's beautiful, and you'll fall in love with Richard Armitage too! 

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

 

Are we human?...

 Confessions

1//I am a slight germophobe. Strangely enough, I can play in the dirt for hours without feeling anxious. After I touch an animal though, I have to wash my hands before I can touch anything else.

It doesn't make sense to me either.

2//Before I go to bed, I check my blankets and my ceiling for spiders. Don't call me paranoid. There was a spider in my bed once and one dangling from my ceiling another time.

I will never forget.

3//I'm addicted to book sniffing. The best smelling book I ever smelled was called Founding Brothers. It was about the founding fathers and such.

It smelled so good!!!

4//I don't have a favorite song or book (too hard to choose!!!), but I have a favorite color[s] and a favorite movie (though, there are many very, very, very close seconds to my favorite movie.)

{BTW, my favorite colors are green and gray and my favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast.}

5//I watch way too much television. Lately I've been watching a BBC series called "Rosemary and Thyme." It's really quite excellent, and it's on Netflix. I remember watching it with my mom on Sunday nights when I was younger.

6//If I stare at feet too long, they gross me out. I don't know why, but they remind me of alien-like, squid creatures.

Not pretty.

7//I see faces everywhere. That's sounds creepy, sorry. What I mean is that I see, like, eyes and a mouth in the randomness of architecture and in the folds of fabric.

I create some of them into characters.

8//In any random session of music listening on YouTube, I end up listening to a completely different genre than the one I started with. I go from POP, to Instrumental Music scores, to Alt Rock, to Big Band. 

It's so great.

9//I'm always imagining movie scenarios in my head and I'm completely convinced that I'm not the only one that does this.

10//I believe in Santa Claus.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.