There are moments that fall closely together, one by one. 

And those moments are life. There are millions of them. A wink, a smile, a smirk. A kiss, a sigh, a tear. 

If I've learned nothing from these moments, then I have not been paying attention.

There is something so beautiful about tire swings. Tire swings in summer. Grass blowing in the early evening breeze. The slanted sunlight lighting the mountains to the east. 

I breathe it in, but somehow it's not as sweet as it was when I was a child. Or maybe it's exactly the same, but I'm not as sweet. 

Is that an inevitability of growing up?

I didn't mean to. I don't know if I wanted to or not. I had to. There was no way around it. 

I've heard it said though, that growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 
I try to live like that. 

Yes...
There are those moments when I am completely and utterly a child. A child in the real sense of the word. Not childish. Not immature. Not wanting my mommy (which I often do).

I mean those moments when I catch a glimpse of the Never Never Land. When I can smell its sandy shore. I will no longer land there...

And that's okay. Though it hurts something awful sometimes.  

But.

We were made to grow. Up? Old?

Old. Perhaps with a sprinkling of up.

There is something inherently good about being a child. There is something beautiful and wonderful and breathtakingly lovely about being a child.

I sense in every summer breeze...and around Christmas time. Oh yes...always around Christmas time...

I never saw Boo Radley. I wonder if he saw me?

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Letting Go...

Goodbye's are always bitter-sweet.

To be going is an incredible thing. It's good to go. To get somewhere. To move along. To live.

That's why it's bitter-sweet.

Is someone always left behind? Are goodbye's one person going on and one person staying.

I am staying. I'm in a waiting place. Waiting.

Left behind?

I'm not so sure...

I do know this. Letting go does not mean giving away forever. Goings are not forever. Going in and of itself implies return.

But living is. Living is forever.

Am I living? Truly? Deeply? I am alive. But do I live?

I know it's like letting a bit of your heart take to the road. Arms spread. Flying. And somehow the rest of you is still on the ground watching it go.

Watching with all hope and happiness and joy. Watching with all pride and fascination.

Watching with all longing and wonderment.

I do not know why I am staying, or waiting, or whatever it is I'm doing.

But, I do know that I will. I will wait. I will stay. I will watch. I will live, in my own way.

I will keep making my arms stronger, so one day I can fly.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

{Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling,
So kiss me.}

 BOLD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ITALICS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>UNDERLINED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

NORMAL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I AM ACHING FOR SPRING!!!

Seriously, it's like this well inside of me, building up. I can smell it in the air. I am dying for green things.

And I saw some green things, pushing their way through the dark earth, and it was beautiful.

Also, I know some who are the bravest and the strongest and I love them.

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

That first place...

I realized something the other night, as I was falling asleep. 

I feel like my whole life has been winter. I have not always felt like this. But the last few months have made me feel like my whole existence, all my thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears...all have been in winter. That all I've ever known is winter. That all I'll ever be is winter. This is not true, because I've lived every season of the soul more than once. And every season of the soul is a season I enjoy. Every season of the earth is a season I enjoy because God made them and gave them to me.

But it's winter now. 

And I have to keep hoping for spring. I have to keep searching for spring. I have to believe in spring. I have to believe spring will come, and with it something else to thaw my soul.

I keep hoping for spring. Hoping so much it hurts. Hurts because the icy tendrils on my heart get nervous. Nervous because they don't want it to be spring. Spring because it's a threat to their life and they don't want to let go. Go because they must. Must because I have to be green again. Again because that's what I was in that First Place.

I need to be green again.

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.

Sometimes I want to be kissed. 

Is that bad? Probably not. 

College has become a jumble of walking and cold and shoving information into my brain where is pokes the backs of my eyes. Sometimes causing headaches, sometimes causing me to see things I never saw before. 

I want to be a Church Archivist when I grow up. 

I have an awful lot of growing up to do; I realize that more and more everyday. 

I have a very low hemoglobin level. I tried to donate blood today but was unable to. Low iron...hmmm...highly suspect. 

I work on strengthening my arm muscles so that one day I can fly. 

The Constitution of the United States is an incredible and beautiful thing. It's not something to be treated lightly, or to be considered "out dated" because it's not. 

{Except my life, except my life, except my life...}

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.