It's like that moment when you realize that perhaps...

You are Peter Pan...

and that changes everything...

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R. 

 

Home...

I'm home now with my beloved mountains, and real food.

It's odd and heavy, but not unpleasant. 

I saw a word recently that made me think. And thinking makes me nostalgic and that's just sometimes no good. I can't even remember why I loved these memories so much; why they mean so much to me because they're ordinary and uneventful, and you'd think I'd think of them last, but I don't. I never do. 

You know, I'm starting to realize something. 

To live will be an awfully big adventure.

To live is...

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

I had forgotten...

There are moments, like when a handsome boy tells you you're cute, that make you go all sorts of giddy inside. And it's not necessarily that you like said boy, but you've just been hoping and wishing someone would say that to you because it hasn't happened in a while. And you felt a little bit starved and needy.

Yeah, giddy indeed.

Regardless.

I found a magical place. It's sort of a home away from home away from home. 

Trees that sway in the breeze...

Neverland.

Indubitably.

I love that word. Indubitably. 

I'm realizing more and more that people don't really care. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's a good thing actually. We're all fighting a battle. 

Don't kill any mockingbirds. 

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

One by one...

God gave me a thunderstorm.

Also, go read this lovely blog (http://skettiseyes.blogspot.com/) because its author is absolutely brilliant and will make you cry!

Yesterday I went swing dancing. Ha, yeah, that's a thing I do now. It's super fun! Anyways, this song came on and I think it should be shared. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efl6nkFVmoI

Laugh. Seriously. Just do it.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

(P.S. 11:11 make a wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

...

I don't belong to this place. 

I don't feel a connection to this soil, these trees, the sidewalks. 

At home I knew where my feet would take me if I just walked. I knew what it felt like to stand in the grass in my front yard on summer evenings. 

Sometime I feel frozen. Sometimes I feel like those blasted trees will never blossom; never bloom. Some have started. But I don't look at the city from up on a hill and see green swaying. Sometimes I'm irrationally afraid I never will.

I want a thunderstorm. 

I want to go back to the days of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Sometimes I miss ponytail Zuko. 

I want to feel connected to this place. I want it to not be a strangers land. 

I want to see mountains again, mountains...

Then I remember it's time to begin.

 It's not the place. It's perspective.

I don't always believe that though. There's a reason my roots are so close to a suburb sidewalk, to a quiet street, to the place where the mountain meets the valley. 

I won't get to see my home in Spring. It's rather nice when it's in Spring. 

Nicer in late summer and early Autumn. Thankfully I'll be home then. 

{I don't know what I did to deserve so much from you, Lord. I am thankful everyday, in every way I know how, and I know it's not enough. Please help me to be more thankful. Help me to endure my blessings.}

"Lord, grant me the patience to endure my blessings, and the courage to face them."

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

I'd like to think...

I'd like to think maybe I was wrong and that you weren't. 

And that you didn't take yourself away so suddenly and so soon.

{Have a heart?}

They asked that? 

Who asked that?

They'll blame you, I know, it's so easy to blame...too easy.

I'm sorry that they have to let you go so soon. 

I'm sorry they were wrong.

I'm sorry I wasn't. 

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

"Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole 17 hours a day."

Pathetic life voids for the winning!

So, I ate a ton (almost literally) of cotton candy just a bit ago, and now I feel like blahka!

There's really nothing for me to say, except that it got up to 60 degrees up here and...I thought it was too hot. Seriously. It's so hot.

I love America. I'm going to be politically incorrect here. Deal with it.

I love America. I love all that it has to offer. I love being free. I love that people can have opinions, and even if you hate those opinions, people can still have them. I love the good we've done. Yes, we've been wrong. We've made mistakes, some huge, some smaller, some still haunt us. Still, we have done so much good in the world. Why do we so often gloss over the good and focus on the bad? I don't mean that just on the subject of America, but in general. We thrive on negativism. Dumb.

Anyways, I love America. I will fight for America. I will live for America.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

There are moments that fall closely together, one by one. 

And those moments are life. There are millions of them. A wink, a smile, a smirk. A kiss, a sigh, a tear. 

If I've learned nothing from these moments, then I have not been paying attention.

There is something so beautiful about tire swings. Tire swings in summer. Grass blowing in the early evening breeze. The slanted sunlight lighting the mountains to the east. 

I breathe it in, but somehow it's not as sweet as it was when I was a child. Or maybe it's exactly the same, but I'm not as sweet. 

Is that an inevitability of growing up?

I didn't mean to. I don't know if I wanted to or not. I had to. There was no way around it. 

I've heard it said though, that growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 
I try to live like that. 

Yes...
There are those moments when I am completely and utterly a child. A child in the real sense of the word. Not childish. Not immature. Not wanting my mommy (which I often do).

I mean those moments when I catch a glimpse of the Never Never Land. When I can smell its sandy shore. I will no longer land there...

And that's okay. Though it hurts something awful sometimes.  

But.

We were made to grow. Up? Old?

Old. Perhaps with a sprinkling of up.

There is something inherently good about being a child. There is something beautiful and wonderful and breathtakingly lovely about being a child.

I sense in every summer breeze...and around Christmas time. Oh yes...always around Christmas time...

I never saw Boo Radley. I wonder if he saw me?

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Letting Go...

Goodbye's are always bitter-sweet.

To be going is an incredible thing. It's good to go. To get somewhere. To move along. To live.

That's why it's bitter-sweet.

Is someone always left behind? Are goodbye's one person going on and one person staying.

I am staying. I'm in a waiting place. Waiting.

Left behind?

I'm not so sure...

I do know this. Letting go does not mean giving away forever. Goings are not forever. Going in and of itself implies return.

But living is. Living is forever.

Am I living? Truly? Deeply? I am alive. But do I live?

I know it's like letting a bit of your heart take to the road. Arms spread. Flying. And somehow the rest of you is still on the ground watching it go.

Watching with all hope and happiness and joy. Watching with all pride and fascination.

Watching with all longing and wonderment.

I do not know why I am staying, or waiting, or whatever it is I'm doing.

But, I do know that I will. I will wait. I will stay. I will watch. I will live, in my own way.

I will keep making my arms stronger, so one day I can fly.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

{Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling,
So kiss me.}

 BOLD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ITALICS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>UNDERLINED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

NORMAL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I AM ACHING FOR SPRING!!!

Seriously, it's like this well inside of me, building up. I can smell it in the air. I am dying for green things.

And I saw some green things, pushing their way through the dark earth, and it was beautiful.

Also, I know some who are the bravest and the strongest and I love them.

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

Sometimes I want to be kissed. 

Is that bad? Probably not. 

College has become a jumble of walking and cold and shoving information into my brain where is pokes the backs of my eyes. Sometimes causing headaches, sometimes causing me to see things I never saw before. 

I want to be a Church Archivist when I grow up. 

I have an awful lot of growing up to do; I realize that more and more everyday. 

I have a very low hemoglobin level. I tried to donate blood today but was unable to. Low iron...hmmm...highly suspect. 

I work on strengthening my arm muscles so that one day I can fly. 

The Constitution of the United States is an incredible and beautiful thing. It's not something to be treated lightly, or to be considered "out dated" because it's not. 

{Except my life, except my life, except my life...}

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Irrational...

My humanities textbook said something that I ended up writing on a piece of paper and sticking to my wall.

{Just because it's irrational doesn't mean it's not real...}

How great is that?!!

I guess I like it so much because I'm an irrational human person. 

...

I love Ellen Degeneres. 

I watch her videos on Youtube and I always end up crying when she gives things away. She's just so bright and so good. 

I want to be like that. I want to be brighter and better and inspire people!

...

I also heard another quote from a video by "Kid President."

{We can cry about it, or we can dance about it.}

I love that. 

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

Those were the stories...

Bask in this glorious and hopeful message...

"Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. 

Frodo: What are we fighting for, Sam?"

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."

I just...I can't describe my love for The Lord of the Rings. There's so much. Really...just, ah...

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R. 

Writers block...

And I'm sitting here watching my sister play The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. She's already defeated it like, a billion times, but it's always enjoyable to watch her do it again. 

I've spent pretty much the entire evening trying to decide what to buy for black Friday. I do all my black Friday shopping online because I hate crowds. 

Also, anyone know where you can find a good pair of reasonably priced boots? I'm leaning more towards the riding boot style, but I'm having troubles finding some I really love. Thoughts?

Okay, so, maybe I need to post more pictures on here or something. This blog is so icky boring.

Well, I think this picture is a complete success.

I miss them. Lots.

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Wilson!!!

{You know me like medicine companies know the flavor of fruit.

Which is to say, not at all.}

{But, you still do your job...so I suppose that makes up for it.}

{And I guess it's not your fault.}

Say hello to the week of Thanksgiving! It's weird that it's so soon...I feel like it should still be ages away.

But,

I'm thankful for monkey's and apple cider.

For blue jeans and grass.

For knowing looks and the orange glow of street lamps on wet sidewalks.

For my Savoir who's kind enough to keep reminding me, because I forget.

Way. Too. Often.

(Should that be 'to'?)

For my God who answers my prayers in ways I expect and ways I don't.

For mummy's and archeologists.

For Lemony Snicket and J.K. Rowling.

For C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien.

For faux leather boots and the word "fluffly" (which, technically isn't a real word, but whatever, right?).

For pears and pickles and parachutes.

For you.

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.

 

Santa Claus...

I love this weather.

So.

Dang.

Much.

I love listening to Christmas music.

Yes, I know it's not Thanksgiving yet.

Sue me.

I am soooo excited for Thanksgiving!

See, you can still appreciate and enjoy and look forward to Thanksgiving while listening to Christmas music.

Here's the thing.

The last two months of the year are probably the most special to me. And that's because of one thing.

Family.

Family, family, family. I am convinced in my heart of heart, my soul of soul, that the family is central to God's plan of happiness. I know this too be true.

Yes, I so enjoy getting and giving presents. Yes, the snow makes everything more magical. The season is one of greatness and joy and love.

But, without family and without God...presents, snow, etc...they mean nothing.

It's because of family, my one on Earth and my one above, that I believe in Santa Claus, that I enjoy the snow more, that I have something to laugh about.

And I am so grateful I can have mine forever.

So, next time you are outside in that magical snowfall, next time you are hearing those sleigh-bells, next time you are dancing to the glorious Christmas music, next time you feel a thrill of hope to know that Thanksgiving is so close...

Remember that hand that wrote it all, and what He has given you that is far more important than any worldly thing.

I love you all. Happy Sabbath.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.   

      

I know it's gonna' be...

Whomever you are, there is a way back.

It does consist of going forward, and strangely enough, not turning back.

You will, of course, carry reminders. They're there for a very specific reason though.

To remember...

Still...it's better than carrying the real flesh wound with you for the whole journey.

The reminders get in the way sometimes. There are some who don't you to move on. They want you to fester and burn and break. They want you to think there is someplace like home; that it doesn't matter.

I'm sad to see you in a different place. You were getting there! Why did you go back?

{???}

But, remember what I said before?

There is a way back? And it consists of moving forward?

You know this. It's elementary...primary, really. *Cough, cough!*

So come home.

For your mother.

For your father.

For your Father.

For your Mother.

Come home for Him. He who knows the pains of permanence. He who know the hurt of hate. He who knows the details of doubt...

You may think I'm just saying this. You are wrong. I speak from experience.

There is a way back.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

Yes...

Yes.

I'm still here.

Sorry it's been so long.

 

{if lost, it can be found again, unless it's sunk into the sea.

if gone, it can come back again, though you never came to me.

if hurting, it can feel whole again, unless the time's too late.

if hating, you can love once more, because that is our fate. } 

It's sort of a depressing poem in some ways, but life's depressing in some ways.

On a brighter note, the church is true, the gospel is real, and our beloved prophet is truly a prophet of God.

Have grand adventures!

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.

Too hard...

{"You tried too hard," he said.

"I know," she said. 

"But," he began, "it's okay, because you can begin again."}

I know my Savior Lives.

I love Him.

Yesterday I had the privilege to go to the Conference Center for the General Relief Society Broadcast.

While I was listening, a small hole in my heart seemed to fill. I found what I was missing, and I realized that I was foolish enough to believe that I had been missing something physical, something touchable.

I see now that I was wrong, because there is enough.

There is enough time, enough money, enough goodness to keep going.

There is enough love and hope and faith.

There is enough, because God never faileth.

Because God has steered this world since its existence, so why would He stop now?

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

I adore it...

I am drowning myself in Harry Potter. 

And it is beyond lovely. 

I finally got myself sorted on Pottermore.

 I'm a Hufflepuff. I wanted to be a Slytherin, mostly because I love Snape and I feel they're misunderstood. 

But now that I've become a badger, I realize that there is no way I could be anything but a Hufflepuff.

I'm not ambitious or cunning, I'm not brave, and I'm not witty and clever. 

Not as much as I am loyal anyways.

The thing about Hufflepuffs is that, while they may be seen as quiet and/or dorky, they're actually quite strong. They don't go boasting about it.

They really are like badgers. They seem quiet and go around doing their own thing, but if you mess with them, they will mess back!

So, I like to think I'm kinda ferocious like a badger sometimes.

Even so, I wouldn't mind being a Slytherin, just saying. 

Regardless, yeah, so Harry Potter. I was reading the end of the fourth book today and started balling my eyes out when Voldemort and Harry are dueling in the graveyard. When the shadows of the people killed started coming out of Voldy's wand. 

What's especially amazing to me is that the feeling I feel toward all the characters, whether it's anger or disgust or love or sorrow or happiness or hilarity...the feelings are all so real.

So, it gets me to thinking that, it doesn't matter if they're "real" or not. I grew up with them. I learned with them, I laughed with them, I lost with them.

And every ounce of magic those books contain are still in my fingertips as I turn the pages. 

That's why I absolutely adore the line Albus Dumbledore says in the seventh book to Harry.

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

To me, it was J.K. Rowling speaking to every single one of her readers, who'd followed this adventure through to the end. 

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Reader, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" 

 Why indeed?

Perhaps I'm too overly sentimental, but I'm not going to apologize for it. 

I love to love.

Hahaha, okay, I think my Harry Potter rant time is over, for now anyway.

So, go on my lovelies! Love life, love love, love God, and serve Him.

There's a Hogwarts of our own waiting for us!

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.