That first place...

I realized something the other night, as I was falling asleep. 

I feel like my whole life has been winter. I have not always felt like this. But the last few months have made me feel like my whole existence, all my thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears...all have been in winter. That all I've ever known is winter. That all I'll ever be is winter. This is not true, because I've lived every season of the soul more than once. And every season of the soul is a season I enjoy. Every season of the earth is a season I enjoy because God made them and gave them to me.

But it's winter now. 

And I have to keep hoping for spring. I have to keep searching for spring. I have to believe in spring. I have to believe spring will come, and with it something else to thaw my soul.

I keep hoping for spring. Hoping so much it hurts. Hurts because the icy tendrils on my heart get nervous. Nervous because they don't want it to be spring. Spring because it's a threat to their life and they don't want to let go. Go because they must. Must because I have to be green again. Again because that's what I was in that First Place.

I need to be green again.

With utmost sincerity, 

Kaitlin R.