I thank you, Mr. Tolkien.

There are no words.

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin

It's like that moment when you realize that perhaps...

You are Peter Pan...

and that changes everything...

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R. 

 

Home...

I'm home now with my beloved mountains, and real food.

It's odd and heavy, but not unpleasant. 

I saw a word recently that made me think. And thinking makes me nostalgic and that's just sometimes no good. I can't even remember why I loved these memories so much; why they mean so much to me because they're ordinary and uneventful, and you'd think I'd think of them last, but I don't. I never do. 

You know, I'm starting to realize something. 

To live will be an awfully big adventure.

To live is...

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

So what? I'm still a rockstar...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_StaUBIsG64

Listen to that song and love it. Love it a lot, 'cause I sure do!

I'm a little tired, and a little heart-sick.

Today, I said goodbye to the best person I know. I will see her again, I know that, but the pain is still there. And it's very...painful (obviously)...and it's very real.

Thank the Lord above for best friends and for sunshine and for tender mercies. 

"No more a stranger nor a guest but like a child at home."

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

...

I don't belong to this place. 

I don't feel a connection to this soil, these trees, the sidewalks. 

At home I knew where my feet would take me if I just walked. I knew what it felt like to stand in the grass in my front yard on summer evenings. 

Sometime I feel frozen. Sometimes I feel like those blasted trees will never blossom; never bloom. Some have started. But I don't look at the city from up on a hill and see green swaying. Sometimes I'm irrationally afraid I never will.

I want a thunderstorm. 

I want to go back to the days of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Sometimes I miss ponytail Zuko. 

I want to feel connected to this place. I want it to not be a strangers land. 

I want to see mountains again, mountains...

Then I remember it's time to begin.

 It's not the place. It's perspective.

I don't always believe that though. There's a reason my roots are so close to a suburb sidewalk, to a quiet street, to the place where the mountain meets the valley. 

I won't get to see my home in Spring. It's rather nice when it's in Spring. 

Nicer in late summer and early Autumn. Thankfully I'll be home then. 

{I don't know what I did to deserve so much from you, Lord. I am thankful everyday, in every way I know how, and I know it's not enough. Please help me to be more thankful. Help me to endure my blessings.}

"Lord, grant me the patience to endure my blessings, and the courage to face them."

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Just a little down today...

First>>

I do not understand what I did wrong.

Second>>

I am glad that bad guys are captured and that people can come together. 

Third>>

I am sad that there have to be so many hurts first, and then more after. 

Fourth>>

I feel a little distant today.

Fifth>>

I want to stay at home. Forever. 

<<First

And it makes me wonder what else in my life was I wrong about. 

<<Second

God Bless America

<<Third

We will not give in. We will not give up. 

<<Fourth

There are beautiful things in the distance. Sometimes it is not such a bad place.

<<Fifth

There is no place like home. But home is not home unless I have been away first.

* * *

I feel bad that I got really upset today because a new episode of one of my favorite shows got cancelled because of extensive news coverage of the Boston man-hunt. 

I feel really bad because I got all upset and then I thought of the families of the people who died. And I thought of the people who got limbs torn from them in such violence and hate. And I thought of my country. And I thought of families. And I thought of those two men who did it all and I got mad. And then I got weary. And then I realized I should stop putting so many "I's" in my sentences. 

We'll keep going, because that's what we do.We.

I found out a hard thing about myself. And it makes me sad and lonesome feeling. It's one of those things that you just are and can't really change. It's not a bad thing. Just a hard thing. And it makes me feel bad that it's not bad, and I shouldn't have to apologize, but I still do because that's another thing that I am. I'm a sorry-er. Just like I'm a crier. I'm a sorry-er. 

Sorry, it's a down day. 

Tomorrow will be kinder.

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

I feel like the world is holding its breath.

And waiting

for 

the next

bomb 

to explode.




With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

There are moments that fall closely together, one by one. 

And those moments are life. There are millions of them. A wink, a smile, a smirk. A kiss, a sigh, a tear. 

If I've learned nothing from these moments, then I have not been paying attention.

There is something so beautiful about tire swings. Tire swings in summer. Grass blowing in the early evening breeze. The slanted sunlight lighting the mountains to the east. 

I breathe it in, but somehow it's not as sweet as it was when I was a child. Or maybe it's exactly the same, but I'm not as sweet. 

Is that an inevitability of growing up?

I didn't mean to. I don't know if I wanted to or not. I had to. There was no way around it. 

I've heard it said though, that growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 
I try to live like that. 

Yes...
There are those moments when I am completely and utterly a child. A child in the real sense of the word. Not childish. Not immature. Not wanting my mommy (which I often do).

I mean those moments when I catch a glimpse of the Never Never Land. When I can smell its sandy shore. I will no longer land there...

And that's okay. Though it hurts something awful sometimes.  

But.

We were made to grow. Up? Old?

Old. Perhaps with a sprinkling of up.

There is something inherently good about being a child. There is something beautiful and wonderful and breathtakingly lovely about being a child.

I sense in every summer breeze...and around Christmas time. Oh yes...always around Christmas time...

I never saw Boo Radley. I wonder if he saw me?

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.

Letting Go...

Goodbye's are always bitter-sweet.

To be going is an incredible thing. It's good to go. To get somewhere. To move along. To live.

That's why it's bitter-sweet.

Is someone always left behind? Are goodbye's one person going on and one person staying.

I am staying. I'm in a waiting place. Waiting.

Left behind?

I'm not so sure...

I do know this. Letting go does not mean giving away forever. Goings are not forever. Going in and of itself implies return.

But living is. Living is forever.

Am I living? Truly? Deeply? I am alive. But do I live?

I know it's like letting a bit of your heart take to the road. Arms spread. Flying. And somehow the rest of you is still on the ground watching it go.

Watching with all hope and happiness and joy. Watching with all pride and fascination.

Watching with all longing and wonderment.

I do not know why I am staying, or waiting, or whatever it is I'm doing.

But, I do know that I will. I will wait. I will stay. I will watch. I will live, in my own way.

I will keep making my arms stronger, so one day I can fly.

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.

{Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling,
So kiss me.}

 BOLD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ITALICS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>UNDERLINED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

NORMAL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I AM ACHING FOR SPRING!!!

Seriously, it's like this well inside of me, building up. I can smell it in the air. I am dying for green things.

And I saw some green things, pushing their way through the dark earth, and it was beautiful.

Also, I know some who are the bravest and the strongest and I love them.

With utmost sincerity, 
Kaitlin R.

I'm going on an adventure...

Well, this is it.

I'm moving out in a few hours...

I'm still in denial a little bit...I just keep thinking of Bilbo and how he didn't want to leave his home, just wanted to stay and be comfortable...but, he went...and so must I.

More adventures to come!

With utmost sincerity,

Kaitlin R.  

Writers block...

And I'm sitting here watching my sister play The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. She's already defeated it like, a billion times, but it's always enjoyable to watch her do it again. 

I've spent pretty much the entire evening trying to decide what to buy for black Friday. I do all my black Friday shopping online because I hate crowds. 

Also, anyone know where you can find a good pair of reasonably priced boots? I'm leaning more towards the riding boot style, but I'm having troubles finding some I really love. Thoughts?

Okay, so, maybe I need to post more pictures on here or something. This blog is so icky boring.

Well, I think this picture is a complete success.

I miss them. Lots.

With utmost sincerity,
Kaitlin R.